Although I have been thinking long and hard about this topic (and sometimes kind of short and softly…?), it wasn't until I read a quote by this agnostic guy, that I decide to sit and put my thoughts to keyboard. Just so you know the guy said, “We have commitment issues, that's why we choose to believe and not to believe at the same time. We're just big fence-sitters, really.” I briefly chuckled at the quote, but I then dove into the intricacies of commitment and my personal views and fears of it.
Commitment - A pledge or promise. (dictionary.com)
I think this is one of my biggest fears. You see, my life groans for change. I fear stagnation. I fear commitment, because commitment is big, and can choke the desires for adventure and change. It can close doors. And can set up road blocks and force detours. Commitment scares me, because as I have said, my life greatly desires change.
All too often I run. I flee from the responsibilities of commitment so as not to even begin down the road. But other times I feel ready, confident, and secure to make a leap, but soon am scared to death and flee yet again. I am at a point now where I do not know the future. I do not know what will come, or what decisions I will be faced with. What I do know is that there is one commitment that is solid and I will honor. Me and Jesus will be rollin together, come hell or high water. The future brings many uncertainties and scary possibilities. Sometimes I am overcome with excitement and readiness, and other times I am filled with fear. And just to be honest, commitment for me (in my perspective) closes a lot of doors. Maybe I'm wrong. And maybe it is a good thing that some doors are closed, I don’t know. It just scares me.
I just wanted to share some fears and uncertainties with you. I guess to prove my humanity.
i enjoyed your honesty.
ReplyDeleteI'm terrified of commitment too. I feel like it'll slow me down and miss out on other things/people.
ReplyDeletemy life groans for change as well... I always have to have something new and be somewhere new. I'm learning it's not always a bad thing. I guess all we can do is roll with Jesus and trust that it doesn't really matter where we are as long as we are loving people and bringing Him glory while we are there... that's all that matters! Its hard to be such an adventure seeking person, I know, but the beautiful thing about not knowing what's next and being scared is that it makes your trust Him and seek Him that much more.
ReplyDeletein my experience each commitment brings about their own changes and growth experiences. very few commitments i've been a part of have limited me, they've actually been used by God to challenge me and give me opportunities i could not have imagined.
ReplyDeletemiss yah brother!
First off, I love this line when you said, "I do not know what will come, or what decisions I will be faced with. What I do know is that there is one commitment that is solid and I will honor. Me and Jesus will be rollin together, come hell or high water" (This is about to be my facebook status).
ReplyDeleteSecond, I'm totally with you. I feel this is just a result of us growing up and transitioning into a new stage of life called adulthood. With it comes responsibility and more committment. I pray that God helps me to live out 1 Corinthians 13:11, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me."
To be honest, I don't think committment lacks change. The commitments I have had to make bring about a whole new change in my life. Yes, some doors are closed, but others are opened that fall in line of the commitments you are making. I'm praying for you brother. Don't be afraid to take a leap of faith. Remember, "You're rollin with Jesus!"